There’s something about marriage that I don’t think we’ve gotten yet. We hear this term “oneness” and we I think we get the visual of “becoming one flesh,” at least on the physical level. But I think we’ve got to take it a whole lot further.
There’s something about “oneness” that involves taking every last part of that other person—even the ugly parts and the irritating mannerisms and the weaknesses—and embracing it ALL. Not just accepting it but actually allowing all of it to become part of YOU. Because now you and that other person are “one flesh.”
I think sometimes we recognize the things in our “other half” that we respect and admire, and we are willing to, to some extent, accept those characteristics as part of this new One we are creating. But we’d rather leave the nasty bits off to the side. So the broken parts, the moodiness, the selfishness, the weakness . . . those things are not going to be included in the coupled version of you.
There is a tremendous flaw in this thinking. Firstly, you can’t separate a person from himself or herself. Ultimately, we each have one soul. So we may be dissociated or broken inside, but we can’t simply cut those parts of our psyche off and carry on as half-souls. We are permanently connected to all of it.
It’s the same with our soul-mate. We can’t just marry the part that we like and keep the rest at a distance. It just won’t work. We have to take all of it in.
The beauty of marriage is that my strengths will compensate for his weaknesses, and his strengths will compensate for mine. I can also teach him how to work through faulty reasoning and behaviour just as he teaches me to do the same. But, at the end of the day, as you’re lying there in bed, watching your partner sleep, you can’t disengage from everything you haven’t been able to “fix.” You’ve got to let every last ounce of it become a part of the new you.
I believe a husband and wife can become a complete picture—a reflection—of who God is. I believe that, if we truly became one, we would become a more perfect reflection of Him to the rest of the world. Because He created each of us in His own image, and each one of us is uniquely different. I know it’s not a popular idea these days, but males and females are different. I don’t think girls can do anything boys can do, and vice versa. I think there are certain strengths each gender has that are unique. I think the Creator planned it that way.
Some of us will live out our lives pursuing our dreams on our own. We will grow in intimacy with God and we will experience Him and channel His love to others all on our own.
Others will be presented with an opportunity to join with another soul. When that happens, I believe there is a powerful possibility—an almost untapped potential—to truly become one and to usher His love and His purpose to the world in a way that is much more impacting than if each of us did it on our own.
I think it’s one of the reasons that marriage has been so violently and completely opposed by the enemy of our souls.
One last thought. Just like everyone else on the planet, I have had my share of grief. I have mannerisms I wish I didn’t have, and I have ugliness that I try to keep at bay most of the time. It’s really just pain that part of me believes will never be understood. My husband’s willingness to embrace me—to absorb even that junk—into us, is the kind of courage that I think will actually end up healing me. It’s that powerful. And I think it’s what the Maker intended all along.