I used to fall in love often. At least, I thought it was love. A good looking guy giving me the attention I wanted would become my next prince charming. A sexy musician singing his heart out about his undying love was undeniably singing directly to me through the radio. The male love interest in a romantic movie became my love interest. Because I could put all of the things I had dreamed up in my little world—all of the traits that I sincerely believed would heal my broken heart—and attached them to the guy on the silver screen. The guy singing his guts out from the stage.

After a while, you start to realize that, no matter how much you really want to be noticed by said Prince Charming, it’s not going to happen.

And yet the longing is still there.

Then comes marriage. Oh, the disaster that awaits our young, bleeding hearts! For many of us, especially “good Christian girls,” we have waited for that special, long awaited day, when we will give up our maidenhood and enter into eternal wedded bliss, where we will be forever protected and doted upon by our real-life super hero. Never mind that Person Number Two in the marriage may have needs—and pain—of his own. If we realize that at all, I think we ignore the idea, hoping it won’t interfere with the fairytale we’re about to prance into.

And yet the longing is still there.

My husband and I have come a long way. We’ve managed to emerge from many of the false expectations we had of marriage and of each other, and have cleared away a lot of the debris. We’ve walked together, discovering ways that we can love each other for real, and be a part of one another’s story in a positive way. A very real and necessary part of that process has been the willingness for the other person not to be God. I cannot replace God for him. And he cannot replace God for me.

I believe the longing I have for oneness, for intimacy—for the knight in shining armour to come and rescue me from failure and abuse, is actually something the Maker put inside of me. That longing can only ever be satisfied by Him.

I’ve been invited to be a part of my husband’s story—to usher in healing and nurturing to him, where he has been broken. To share joy and pain with him now as we go through life together. Equally, he has been invited to share in my story. I will fail, and so will he. But Jesus will never fail us. Ever.

If the buck stops with my husband, I’m screwed. If it stops with me, so is he. But it doesn’t. It never will.

We went to an epic concert last week with some friends. The music was unreal, and the lead singer captivating. I felt my heart lurching in my chest. When I was a girl, I would have confused that feeling with falling in love. Now, I know that his music was simply fanning into flame something that already exists within me. Passion. Wonder. And a desire to love and be loved.

Has this been your experience as well? Have you experienced the pain of having the one person who you thought would heal you end up letting you down? Comment below, I’d love to hear your story!

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